Tag Archives: Humor

Some Good Advice

20 Jun

Thinking of cornfields in Ioway…d41aa368b64cd983a9ed51955eaff50b

Halloween Smack Down!

26 Oct

Found on a Fantasy Artists of Etsy Team for-members-only discussion board:

Somebody the other day was making fun of me for how boring and predictable a pirate was for Halloween. I nearly stuck him with my sword.

Reply:

Him: You’re a pirate for Halloween, how boring and predictable!
You: Oh, I see you’ve decided to be an asshole. How boring and predictable.
Him: No, that’s not my Halloween costume!
You: Who said anything about Halloween?

See how business-minded we are?  Ha ha!

Thanks AJ.

 

I Love Simon’s Cat

13 Oct

I love cats.

In fact, I love cats so much that from the minute I could decide what type of pet I wanted, I’ve always had a cat beside me.

That was until my cat, Missy, died.

That was when two baby Sun Conures moved in as her replacement who (1) were as adorable as the Tequila Sunrises they resembled, (2) I taught to make kissy sounds and a few indecipherable words that only a Mommie could recognize, (3) liked to climb inside my shirt and nibble “peek-a-boo” holes while (4) making sweet chirpy, cooing noises to each other and if they were tired, (5) slept on their backs  cuddled together (first in a brown bag with the end rolled to keep it open and later in a PVC pipe hanging from the ceiling of their cage).

Otherwise were in no way cat-like.  In fact, they were bird-poop messy in and out of their cage, and developed the habit of screaming at the top of their vocal range just because they could.  At no point in their lives did they curl up at the foot of my bed or tuck themselves around my tummy when I was sick, or kindly cover up their messes and bathe themselves without splattering water on everything within a five-foot range.  They molted and had food flinging contests, and if the mood hit them, they could give you a nasty bite.  Most unsatisfactory, in the way of cuddly pets.

Yet I loved them for themselves and, not trusting a cat to snack on them, I turned to the canine world for some cat-like companionship.  Having never had a dog, let along raise or trained at dog, I was quickly trained instead.  The birds, however, I eventually sent off to live in a bird conservatory where they, each being female and having started to lay infertile eggs, could enjoy the amorous attentions of male Sun Conures.

However, while my three Yorkshire Terriers are, indeed, cat-sized, I still miss my cats.

Image my happiness today when I received an email asking me if I had yet discovered Simona’s cat.

Never having heard of Simon or his cat, I hopped over to YouTube to check them out:

This is so exactly like every time I’ve ever introduced a kitten to one of my older cats!

Now I can live vicariously through Simon and his cat companion without having to empty a litter box.

If you prefer your cats to be immobile, check out the books (there are three) on Amazon.

Thinking of Iowa

22 Aug

For my faithful Scarecrow Knight

Quote of the Day:

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

W. Clement Stone

From your Faerie Queene

Plastic Bags–European Style

19 May

From an email sent by my wonderful friend, Monica:

Are they just more imaginative than we are?

Duh!

Thanks, Monica!

For more weird and silly stuff, visit Bored Panda, the only magazine for Pandas!

The Absurdities of Life

27 Apr

My friend, Susan, sent me this email today:

Food for thought:

  • Only in America…do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
  • Only in America…do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
  • Only in America…do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
  • Only in America…do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
  • Only in America…do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
  • Only in America…do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Do you ever wonder:

  • Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
  • Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouths closed?
  • Why you never see the headline, “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
  • Why “abbreviated” is such a long word?
  • Why doctors call what they do “practice”?
  • Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
  • Why the man who invests all your money is called a “broker”?
  • Why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called “rush hour”?
  • Why there is no mouse-flavored cat food?
  • Why Noah didn’t swat those two mosquitoes?
  • Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
  • Why they don’t make the whole airplane out of the same stuff used to make those indestructible black boxes?
  • Why sheep don’t shrink when it rains?
  • Why they are called “apartments” when they are all stuck together?
  • If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the “terminal”?

Made me chuckle; thanks, Sue!

The Price of Gas – A New Point of View

6 Apr

My sister sent this to me via email.  I’m giving it to you, dear Internet, ‘cuz I know how unhappy we all are about the rising cost of gasoline.  This will give us all a new perspective:

Think a gallon of gas is expensive?

This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.

Lipton Ice Tea:  16 oz @ $1.19 → $9.52 per gallon

Ocean Spray: 16 oz @ $1.25 → $10.00 per gallon

Gatorade:  20 oz @ $1.59 → $10.17 per gallon

Diet Snapple: 16 oz @ $1.29 → $10.32 per gallon

Whiteout: 7 oz @ $1.39 → $25.42 per gallon

Brake Fluid:  12 oz@ $3.15 → $33.60 per gallon

Scope: 1.5 oz @ $0.99 → $84.48 per gallon

Pepto Bismol: 4 oz @ $3.85 → $123.20 per gallon

Vick’s Nyquil:  6 oz @ $8.35 → $178.13 per gallon

And this is a REAL KICKER…

Evian Water:  9 oz @ $1.49→$21.19 per gallon!

$21.19 per gallon for WATER and buyers don’t even know where it comes from (ever noticed that Evian spelled backwards is Naive?)

Have you ever wondered why printers are so cheap?  Because they have you hooked for the ink.  Someone calculated the cost of the ink at (you won’t believe it, but it is true):

$5,200 per gallon!!

So, the next time you’re at the pump, be glad your car doesn’t run on water, Scope, Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!

Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump.

See, Internet readers, I’m always trying to make your life happier.  Mwah!

And thanks, Lil Kit!

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