We Owe Everything to Mom

18 May

Mothers give us many things; a safe and loving home, a kiss on a scraped knee, a hug when we’re feeling blue.  They also give us a solid education to rival that of any accredited University.

They are the first ones who:

  • Teach us TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
    “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
  • Teach us RELIGION.
    “You better pray this will come out of the carpet.”
  • Teach us about TIME TRAVEL.
    “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
  • Teach us LOGIC.
    “Because I said so, that’s why.”
  • Teach us MORE LOGIC.
    “If you fall out of that tree and break your neck, you’re not going to the movies with us tonight.”
  • Teach us FORESIGHT.
    “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
  • Teach us IRONY.
    “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
  • Teach us about the science of OSMOSIS.
    “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
  • Teach us about CONTORTIONISM .
    “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
  • Teach us about STAMINA.
    “You’ll sit there until all that SOUP is gone.”
  • Teach us about WEATHER.
    “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
  • Teach us about HYPOCRISY.
    “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
  • Teach us about the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
  • Teach us about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
    “Stop acting like your father!”
  • Teach us about ENVY.
    “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
  • Teach us about ANTICIPATION.
    “Just wait until your father gets home.”
  • Teach us about RECEIVING.
    “You are going to get it when your father gets home!”
  • Teach us MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”
  • Teach us ESP.
    “Put on your sweater; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
  • Teach us HUMOUR.
    “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
  • Teach us HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
    “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
  • Teach us GENETICS.
    “You’re just like your father.”
  • Teach us about our ROOTS.
    “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
  • Teach us WISDOM.
    “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
  • And teach us about JUSTICE.
    “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”

Thanks to Gary for emailing this to me.  Mwah!

%d bloggers like this: