Mothers give us many things; a safe and loving home, a kiss on a scraped knee, a hug when we’re feeling blue. They also give us a solid education to rival that of any accredited University.
They are the first ones who:
- Teach us TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
- Teach us RELIGION.
“You better pray this will come out of the carpet.”
- Teach us about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
- Teach us LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”
- Teach us MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that tree and break your neck, you’re not going to the movies with us tonight.”
- Teach us FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
- Teach us IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
- Teach us about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
- Teach us about CONTORTIONISM .
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
- Teach us about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that SOUP is gone.”
- Teach us about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
- Teach us about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
- Teach us about the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
- Teach us about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”
- Teach us about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
- Teach us about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until your father gets home.”
- Teach us about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when your father gets home!”
- Teach us MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”
- Teach us ESP.
“Put on your sweater; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
- Teach us HUMOUR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
- Teach us HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
- Teach us GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”
- Teach us about our ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
- Teach us WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
- And teach us about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”