Senility: A Look at the Lighter Side

17 Feb

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, “How old was your husband?” “98,” she replied. “Two years older than me.” “So you’re 96,” the undertaker commented. She responded, “Hardly worth going home, is it?”

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman asked “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, and can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92 and I’ve lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. “Wal-Mart?” the preacher exclaimed. “Why Wal-Mart?” “Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week”

My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, “For fast relief.”

THE SENILITY PRAYER

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now, I think you’re supposed to tell 5 or 6, maybe 10 others about this post. Oh heck, just tell a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

Always Remember This: You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.

Thx Ginny!

Digg!

6 Responses to “Senility: A Look at the Lighter Side”

  1. Catz February 18, 2008 at 9:52 AM #

    Great Post! Gave me a good chuckle …now if I can just remember it to tell my friend at work.

  2. Faerie♥Kat February 18, 2008 at 11:31 AM #

    Tsk, tsk! It’s starting already!

  3. Marvin the Martian February 18, 2008 at 10:25 PM #

    LOL! “My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.” That one cracked me up.

  4. gt281 February 19, 2008 at 5:40 AM #

    I have none of those symptoms,, I guess I’ll have to
    go to my doctor and get some…

    I see that Catz has been stopping by,, be wary of her,,
    she can hide a lot of furniture under that orange wig
    of hers……and she’ll drink all your burbon….

  5. Faerie♥Kat February 19, 2008 at 2:46 PM #

    Hi GT

    I’m sure if you’d start taking Ginko and Gotu Kola (both lovely herbs that do wonders for the memory), you soon recall that you have every one of these symptoms and probably a few that haven’t been mentioned, such as toenails that are longer and harder than Puff’s talons!

    I checked the silver and the family heirlooms, which remain untouched, as well as all the furniture, but the bourbon went missing around the time I met you; what do you make of that?

    Kat

  6. Faerie♥Kat February 19, 2008 at 2:51 PM #

    Hi MTM

    I love that one, too. What makes it even funnier is it’s the only one I can really remember. I told it to my hair stylist last night and she thought it was hysterical, too; she couldn’t wait to tell it to her mother. It’s such a perfect one-liner.

    Kat

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