They Walk Among Us

15 Dec


We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a “large” enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, “Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.” I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, “NO, it’s not. Four is larger than two!”

We haven’t used Sears repair since.


My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, “you gave me too much money.” I said, “Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.” She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said “We’re sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.” The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.


I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”

From Kingman, KS


My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

From Kansas City


I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.”

Happened in Birmingham, AL


The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?!”

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS


At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to “downsizing.” Our manager commented cheerfully, “This is fun. We should do this more often.” Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office, no less.


When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. “Hey,” I announced to the technician, “its open!” His reply, “I know. I already got that side.”

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS


They walk among us…and the scary part is that they VOTE and they REPRODUCE!

Thx Lisa!

5 Responses to “They Walk Among Us”

  1. Shikin December 17, 2007 at 7:27 AM #

    Lol. This is so funny!

  2. Ally December 17, 2007 at 1:22 PM #

    I’ve got one for you. My brother, me, and my girlfriend went through the Burger King drive through. When I ordered, I told the guy “I would like a number one with a coke, add cheese no tomato.

    The guy took a second to comprehend then said “Mam, we don’t put tomatoes or cheese in our coke.”

    Yeah, I go to the other Burger King now.

  3. Faerie♥Kat December 17, 2007 at 7:35 PM #

    Oh, Ally, that is just way too funny! ThanX!

  4. gt281 December 17, 2007 at 7:47 PM #

    isn’t it surprising that the human race has lasted so long?….haven’t gotten to the universal Avatar yet,, too much eggnog fogs the brain you know…puffs wondering why you let him look at the Christmas poem for so long,, without
    telling him to come over here,, he thinks you were just being wicca naughty…..

  5. Faerie♥Kat December 17, 2007 at 8:27 PM #

    I knew Puff would pull his brains out of his flame thrower and figure it out!

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