The Salad Bowl of Religious Experience

10 Dec

I was browsing through one of my favorite websites, Wicca for the Rest of Us, and accessed The Salad Bowl of Religious Experience through one of the links provided:

This is a rewrite of an idea that I had tossed around (all puns intended) a few years back but somehow lost the original to. The idea came to me when I saw an article in a fundamentalist Christian newsletter talk about how most Christians today practice “salad bar” theology, where they pick and choose what they want, and leave out what they don’t like. Why limit this metaphor, I figured…

..Disclaimer: Some people may be offended by the opinions presented here. Those people need to get a life. Thank you. This is a work in progress (the classifications I’m happy with, but the reasoning behind it still needs work), but if you really want to share it around, you can do so, provided you attribute credit to me, along with my e-mail address for feedback.

The Salad Bowl of Religious Experience

We live in the great salad bowl of experience. Each of us brings our own unique flavor to the mix, and removing one completely changes the composition of the salad. To stir up the ingredients, here’s a list of various religions and their place in the great salad bowl.

Lettuce: Christianity. It seems to completely dominate the salad at times, doesn’t it? There are some out there who believe it is the only ingredient necessary to make a salad, and that without it, salad could not exist. There’s also many different types that fall under the designation of lettuce, some are frilly, some are more plain.

Tomatoes: Judiasm. Throughout history, tomatoes have gotten a bad rap for being poisonous. Sometimes people would attempt to completely eradicate the tomato plants, for fear of contamination into their gardens. Still, they manage to bring a splash of color to the mix. Some people prefer slices of the larger tomatoes (reform Judiasm) whereas others believe that cherry tomatoes are the only way to go (orthodox Judiasm). Realistically, most people having salad will tolerate one or the other, but see both as a waste of time.

Peppers: Islam. Comes in several different types, but some are hotter to handle than others. Even though different types of peppers have completely different characteristics, most people will still try and lump them all together.

Carrots: Hinduism. Some people look down at it as one of those dirty root veggies, and feel that it should be washed and peeled before being added to the salad.

Cucumbers: Buddhism. Often seen as cool in flavor and standoffish from the rest of the salad. Is accepted by most as part of the salad because at least it’s green. Enough exists that it could completely cover up the lettuce, but it really wants to just blend in.

Red Cabbage: Mormonism. In some ways, it tries to be like lettuce, but it is very different. It can be a very colorful addition, but some people claim that it is all show and lacks flavor. If left around other vegetables for a long period of time, it tries to rub off its coloring onto each one.

Bacon Bits: Agnostics. They will gladly find their way throughout the entire salad, but they really don’t quite fit in with all the other vegetables. Some people may find them a bit overpowering or difficult to deal with, while others find their flavor to be a positive addition.

Croutons: Atheists. Let’s face it, they’re not in the same category as the rest of the components in this salad. Some people see them as dry and irritating. They’re probably the one item in the salad that ends up causing the most people to choke. Most people like them to exist only on the surface of the salad, and not get completely mixed into the mess.

Salad Dressing: Baha’i. A good salad dressing can compliment a salad, but if you’re not careful, it will try and completely smother all of the other flavors trying to creep through.

Egg: Scientology. Most people don’t list this as a requirement of a salad. In some cases, it can be seen as mushy and soft-boiled. Some people will say that if one gets food poisoning from the salad, it MUST have come from an undercooked egg.

Onion: Jehovah’s Witness. Let’s face it, a little goes a LONG way. Some people find the taste to be tolerable, some find it to be overpowering, others find it to be a nice addition to the mix, but EVERYONE has an opinion about their like or dislike of onion.

Radish: Jainism. Most people don’t know much about it. If you asked someone to describe a radish, they would say that it tastes like… a radish.

Bean Sprouts: Neo-Paganism. A relatively new addition to the modern salad, but it grows very quickly. Viewed by most of the other ingredients as a very quirky addition. Has a very earthy, natural flavor. Some are crunchy and full of life, others seem watered-down to the point of mush.

Copyright 2002-2005 by Juliaki. All rights reserved.

That was quite delightful and, even though it’s after midnight, I think a little nosh might be just what I need, spiritually…

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