The Five Men You Must Have In Your Life

10 Sep

I want to be a Sweet Potato Queen when I grow up; of course, I don’t intend to ever grow up, but should growing up ever sneak up on me unawares, I hope it is kind and turns me into a SPQ.

Jill Conner Browne created the SPQs and she is obviously the most intelligent woman in the Universe for having accomplished this feat. If you don’t know who Jill is, or [gasp, shudder and smack!] who the Sweet Potato Queens are, you need to go to right this very minute and buy The Sweet Potato Queen’s Big-Ass Box of Love (but buy it through the third-party sellers, they sell new copies for pennies on the dollar – and you will still get the bumper sticker and the tattoos, which you really, really want). I promise that, female or male, it will change your life, a comment I never make lightly. So what are you waiting for?

While your copy winds it’s way through snail mail, here is a taste of the yummy tidbits you are going to be feasting on:

“There are five different kinds of men you must endeavor to have in your life at all times in order to have the equivalent of one completely satisfactory man…[because] it is clearly not possible to find all the required attributes in one single man, and we should not expend needless energy by even looking for him…

“The Basic Five are these: (1) a man who can fix things, (2) a man you can dance with, (3) a man who can pay for things, (4) a man you can talk to, and (5) a man to have great sex with… [T]his is the rudimentary team you need to form… [c]ertainly other functions can be added to suit your more refined tastes, but with this starting lineup, you can at least avoid abject misery.”

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