I’m the first person to tell you that I’m a miserable cook. And someday I will write down the sad and pathetic, and really, really funny, story of the Adventures of Alice and Kat Make Gingerbread Men – The Martha Stewart Way: Even Dottie the Dog Wouldn’t Eat Them.
Having said that, there are at least two dishes that I can make that will not make you sick, and ever since my Grandfather died and took to his grave his awesome recipe for venison jerky, I’m going to post them here for posterity. This is the first one.
This recipe evolved as a result of my total incapacity to cook an egg. I can’t boil or fry an edible egg. And an omelet or quiche was so far out of reach, it was embarrassing. For some reason, I was determined to find a way to dispose of all the eggs left over from those disastrous recipes that needed only one egg, other than the garbage disposal. Here’s what I finally came up with:
- Olive Oil
- 8 oz container of Athenos Natural Feta Cheese (Chunk Style with Basil and Tomato)
- Real Bacon Bits
If you have a toaster oven that is wide enough to fit your skillet in (with the handle sticking out) and it has a broiler function, pre-heat the broiler. If you don’t have one, pre-heat the broiler of your oven. If you forget to pre-heat, no problem; the last step will just take longer.
Slice some onions very fine. I like Vidalia onions and I use a mandolin because, frankly, I’m dangerous with sharp objects and I like my fingers.
Heat a large skillet (How large? How many onions did you slice up and how many eggs do you have?) over high heat and add enough olive oil (or your preferred oil) to keep stuff from sticking. I use a lot of oil because I cook with stainless steel and I don’t like anything to be dried out.
Throw the sliced onions in and stir ‘em around to coat them with oil and break up the rings. Now you want to “carmelize” them. How long does this take? It takes as long as it takes you to complete the next steps. If you think of it, toss the rings a couple of times during the next steps.
Throw some eggs in a bowl and whisk ‘em until they’re not separated anymore. Yeah, I own a whisk; go figure. How many eggs? How big is your skillet and how many eggs do you have? You want enough eggs to at least cover the onions thinly; in my opinion, more is always better, but don’t use so many that there’s no room between the eggs and the top of the skillet to add the other ingredients. No need to season the eggs; plenty of seasoning in the feta if you get the Basil and Tomato. While you’re doing this, if you smell onions starting to burn, toss the rings and turn down the heat one notch.
Put the chunk of feta on the same cutting board you sliced the onions on and chop it up. Don’t pay extra to get the already crumbled feta cheese. You can’t slice feta cheese no matter how hard you try, feta cheese is naturally crumbly. Mash it with a fork or hack at it with a knife; it’ll be just like the pre-crumbled feta tout sweet. If you NOW smell onions starting to burn, toss the rings and turn down the heat one notch.
Pour the whisked eggs over the onion rings and tilt the skillet to be sure the eggs cover the all the onions. Don’t stir it or anything; you want the onions to form a crust with the egg sitting on top. Let this sit on the heat until the eggs “set.” Or, if you’re like me and get impatient, don’t wait. It won’t really matter, because the broiler will cook and set the eggs for you; the broiling part will just take like a minute or two longer (six of one; half dozen of the other).
Next you can either spread the crumbled feta over the egg mixture and then spread the entire bottle or bag of real bacon bits over the feta, or you can spread the real bacon bits over the egg mixture and the feta over the bacon. Sometimes I do it one way; sometimes the other. Doesn’t matter; pick one. And remember, there is never any such thing as too much bacon; more bacon is better bacon.
Place the skillet under the broiler and let it melt the feta (and cook the egg if needed) and warm up the bacon. How long does this take? I usually take it out when it smells like the onions are starting to burn. And you’ll be able to see that the egg is firm and the edges will be pulling away from the sides.
Now, if you have used enough oil, you should be able to just slide the whole frittata out of the pan and onto a plate. And if you let it cool for a few minutes, you’ll be able to slice it like a pie and serve. If you’re not piggish, you can get at least four servings from this dish if you are generous with your ingredients; and it tastes great cold (that is, if you like cold pizza (which, of course, I do)).
The other thing I like about this recipe is that it doesn’t have any simple carbs and it does have lots of protein; that means it won’t cause a glycemic reaction and raise insulin levels, causing the body to convert and store unused calories as fat. Uuh-rah!