The Oz Meme

And, no, we’re not talking Ozzy Osborne, we’re talking the Wizard of Oz, released in 1939. I read all fifteen of the Oz books when I was a child and saw the movie every year since I was five; that means I’ve seen it more than 40 times. Now, let’s see how I well I do on my darling GT281’s challenge:

1….When Auntie Em’s house is seen twirling in the tornado,, is it rotating clockwise or counterclockwise,, if you watch the film in Australia…

The house, it spins round the clock deosil, and being a wise house, when it gets to Australia it says, “Put another shrimp on the barbie, mates” and starts to spin widdershins, looking for a likely fluffy bunny witch to land on, for all wise houses know that the sun do travel east-north-west in the southern hemisphere and east-south-west in the northern.

2….How big is the Tin Man’s right big toe…

The Tin Man, alas, took his ax and gave his big toe forty whacks. When he saw what he had done, he gave his left big toe forty one. Neither toe would make itself available for questioning and are assumed to have died of degenerative rust.

3….How much did the producers have to [pay] Hostess Cupcakes to use the phase…”ding-dong” the witch is dead…

The “ding-dong” brand name royalty rights war made negotiation history. The producer’s first choice was “ding-a-ling” by Chuck Berry, but as the song was not going to be released until 1972 by Berry’s recording company, an alternative had to be sought. Director Victor Fleming had a real sweet tooth and ordered up a bunch of twinkies one day, but they brought him a stack of ding-dongs instead. In a flash of inspiration, he called up the producer who immediately opened negotiations with Hostess Cupcakes. Now, the head of negotiations for Hostess Cupcakes was a real snake oil salesman who knew a win/lose situation when he saw one and prepared to take Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer for every goodie he could get. After a grueling 38 day battle with Producer Mervyn LeRoy, Hostess Cupcakes walked away with the prize of 365,000,000 gallons of “rich and majestic crème filling,” which they are still using to fill their ding-dongs to this very day.

4….How many spitballs did the Munchkins shoot at Toto when Dorothy first arrived…

Based on the numerous bruises and contusions that the Studio vet claimed required treatment (and for which records exist that the vet billed the Studio and received renumeration), it appears that Toto was hit with 1,349,216 spitballs. However, Toto’s surviving family members now living in a secluded Beverly Hills mansion say that Toto and the vet conspired to falsify these claims and split the money 50/50. When off-camera, Toto would walk with a limp and squeal if anybody attempted to lift him. According to all witnesses still alive, it was a very convincing act. His financial records do reveal that he never worked again and lived well beyond the means of the salary he was paid for his one and only film.

5….What type of mustache wax does the mayor of Munchkinland use…

Many sources have confirmed that he did not use wax at all; he used Bubba’s Butt Paste on both his mustache, his wig, his back hair, and his armpits. No one would reveal exactly how this was discovered and, frankly, I don’t want to know.

6….How many mice can be seen in the straw of the Scarecrow…

How much mice could a Scarecrow chuck if a Scarecrow could chuck mice? A Scarecrow could chuck as much mice as Scarecrow could chuck if a Scarecrow could chuck mice. Since there were only three blind mice willing to be chucked and they were continually missing their cues, only one mice can be seen at a time and only in the out takes.

7….How many bricks were used in the yellow brick road…

The yellow “brick” road was built by California state employees, who were and still are well known for their gold bricking abilities. Since one well know feature of California gold bricking is to secure all loose materials within several hundred yard’s reach of a California state employee in a secret warehouse in the desert to which only California state employees have the keys, no bricks were actually used in the road’s construction. It is suspected that the 9 day disappearance of illustrator John Held Jr., working for Cosmopolitan at that time, along with the several tins of yellow paint and large bolts of canvas stolen from the now defunct Smitty’s Hardware and Blind Mice Emporium, were the California state employee’s solution to the fact that there were no longer any bricks available. Judy Garland was once quoted as saying that she preferred the exquisitely painted drop cloths over actual bricks as they made skipping easier. Everyone seems to think it was a win/win situation and gold bricking lives on in the hearts of loyal California state employees on the basis of this proud heritage.

8….What is a squadron of flyin[g] monkeys called…

They are called the RAC; Regimental Airborne Chimpanzees.

9….What did the Wicked Witch of the East eat that made her green…

The Wicked Witch of the East had a insatiable appetite for lichen. She simply couldn’t get enough of that crusty growth found on tree trunks and rocks, and she often carried pebbles encrusted with the tasty flakes like candy in her pockets. Not only did this turn her skin green, but she continually had bits of lichen stuck in her teeth. Even the RAC were continually probing their teeth with their tongues or picking at their teeth with their dirty fingernails, trying to indicate that she desperately needed to floss. If anyone said anything directly, they were tossed off the highest turret immediately, so that avenue of communication was definitely out.

10…Why didn’t Dorothy pick up Toto’s poo poo when they were going to the Emerald City…

Stinkies were considered a form of yellow brick road toll payment. Toto’s deposits were welcomed as organic fertilizer by the local inhabitants. Within 3 hours, a dogwood tree would spring from the ground full grown at the location of each little gift.

11…Who is the man behind the curtain…

Some people think it’s R. McIntosh, a particularly fine looking fellow with a creative intellect and rapier wit. Not everyone subscribes to this notion, though, as the existence of this individual has yet to be proven. Quite a few people think it very unlikely that any one man could embody all three of these virtues; others say if he really existed, he’d be flawed in some way, quite possibly a beer drinking drunkard. Some claim to have caught a glimpse of his visage and shrank away in ghoulish horror. Whoever he is, there’s a reason he’s behind a curtain.

12…How many horses of a different color are there…

There are as many horses of a different color as there are crayons in a Crayola Color Force Colossal Box of Crayons, precisely 120. It may look like one horse that has been dyed different colors, but when the Confederate Hackneyed Horse’s Union found out that only one horse was going to be used to play all of the colors, a massive horse trot protest was organized and the studio was picketed. You can see each horse in glorious technicolor in the out takes.

13…How long must HillaryDillary talk to fill up Professor Marvels hot-air balloon…

HillaryDillary has been talking for 60 years and so far she has inflated 60,000 hot-air balloons which is roughly 3 per day. In approximately 8 hours, she expels sufficient amounts of hot air to inflate a large commercial sightseeing balloon capable of carrying well over two dozen people and having an envelope volume of up to 15,000 meters (600,000 feet). HillaryDillary is really a gas!

14…How much would it cost in pre-inflation 1968 dollars to build the Emerald City today…

Construction of the Emerald City used 6,000 sq ft of canvas, 2,000 2X4s, 100 gallons of emerald green paint, 65 bags of donuts, 13 paintbrushes, 13 rollers, some nails, some glue, two propane burners, 13 set designers working 65 days with no overtime, one supervisor to eat the donuts, and one girl with pretty legs to sit and file her nails and keep them all from complaining. Cost in 1938: $4,000.01. Cost in 1968: $9,305.30. Cost in 2006: $54,287.25. Cost in 2007: $56,501.90. Don’t believe it? Click here to calculate inflation from 1800-2006 and here for the 2007 inflation rate.

15…What size lederhosen does the Cowardly Lion wear…

The Cowardly Lion, whenever in public, preferred black lederhosen made of elk leather and highly embroidered. He claimed that rindspalt (cow leather) chaffed considerably more than elk and was therefore worth the extra moula. To accommodate his large posterior and ample thighs, as well as his copiously long and luxurious tail, the Lion took a mean size 46, tailored for his unique dimensions and requirements by a lederhosen specialicht in Germany who had been personally cleared by Charlie McCarthy.

Teacher, teacher! Am I the teacher’s pet? How’d I do on the Oz test? Do I get an A, at least for effort? A kiss from Puff will be sufficient!

Check out my competition: DrowseyMonkey, Catz, Musings and AstroBob.